On trust, connection, and the relationships that help us grow
When you're in a leadership role, there are plenty of people who look to you for advice, decisions and support. But who do you turn to when you need someone to listen, offer perspective, or help you work through something difficult? With all the attention being paid to loneliness and the growing sense of disconnection in our society, I've been thinking about how much difference it makes to have people we can really talk to. People we trust, who care about us and who are there when we need them.
Earlier in my career, I worked as a university chaplain at the Interfaith Centre at the University of Victoria. I loved that work, and I was fortunate to be part of a wonderful campus community. One of the things I appreciated most was being someone students and faculty knew they could come to, whatever was happening in their lives. Sometimes they were dealing with a difficult situation or decision. Sometimes they were questioning their direction or trying to make sense of a change. And sometimes they just needed someone to listen.
It was truly an honour to be trusted with those conversations. I think people came because they knew I cared about them, that I wouldn't judge them, and that I was there to help in whatever way I could.
I was also fortunate to have people in my own corner. I had wonderful mentors and was part of a community of chaplains from different faith traditions who supported one another, shared ideas and learned from each other's perspectives. We didn't always see the world in quite the same way, but there was a real sense of friendship, mutual respect and shared purpose. Those relationships enriched my work and my life, and I still look back on them with gratitude.
Twenty years later, I've come to appreciate how much those experiences have in common with my experiences as an executive coach and consultant. The people and circumstances are different, but I still find it deeply rewarding to be invited into someone's life when they're working through something important. I know from my own experience how valuable it is to have trusted people to turn to for support, encouragement and perspective.
It’s a basic human need
I think we sometimes underestimate how helpful it can be to have a good conversation with someone we trust. Just being able to say what we're thinking out loud, without worrying about being judged or having to present ourselves in a certain way, can be a relief.
Sometimes we discover what we really think in the course of a conversation. A good question helps us look at something differently, or someone reminds us of a strength we've forgotten we have. Other times, we simply need a little encouragement to take a step we've been hesitating over. I've seen this often in coaching, particularly with leaders who carry a lot of responsibility. They spend much of their time helping other people solve problems, making decisions and providing reassurance. It can be hard to find a place where they can admit they're uncertain or talk through something before they've figured out what to do about it.
Having someone outside the immediate pressures of work can be especially helpful. It might be a mentor, a former colleague, a trusted friend or a coach. And different people can offer different kinds of support. Some are wonderful at helping us see the bigger picture. Others will give us a gentle nudge when we need one, or tell us something we may not particularly want to hear!
The important thing is knowing there are people we can turn to, and that we don't have to figure everything out on our own.
We have to make the time for real connection
Of course, these kinds of relationships don't usually happen by accident. They take time, and they need a little attention. I've been thinking about how easy it is to let that slip when life gets busy. We mean to catch up with an old friend or colleague, or follow up with someone we met at an event, and somehow weeks or months go by. We can spend so much time responding to what's immediately in front of us that we forget to make room for the relationships that sustain us.
Sometimes building a supportive network starts with something quite simple. Inviting someone for coffee. Reaching out to a former mentor. Getting involved in a professional association or community group where we can meet people with shared interests. Or taking a chance on a more personal conversation with someone we've known for years. It also means being willing to ask for help. That isn't always easy, especially for those of us who are used to being the ones others turn to. But I've found that people are often surprisingly generous with their time and encouragement when we give them the opportunity.
And there's something equally rewarding about being that person for someone else. We don't have to have all the answers. Sometimes the most helpful thing we can offer is our attention, a thoughtful question, or the reassurance that someone doesn't have to face a challenge alone. For those of us in leadership roles, I think there's an added opportunity here. We can pay attention to whether the people around us feel comfortable asking for help, expressing uncertainty or talking honestly about what they're finding difficult. The way we respond in those moments can make a real difference.
Don’t wait for a reason
When I think back on my years as an interfaith chaplain, I remember the conversations, the sense of community, and knowing I was supporting meaningful change and growth in people’s lives. I feel very fortunate to have had that experience, and my work as an executive coach and consultant continues to bring many of those same rewards.
I also think about the people who have been in my corner over the years… the ones who listened, encouraged me, offered a different perspective, or simply made time when I needed it. I'm sure some of them have no idea how much their support meant.
Perhaps that's a good place to start. Think of someone who has made a difference in your life or career, and let them know. Or reach out to someone you'd like to know better. These are the relationships that help us through difficult times, encourage us to grow, and remind us that we don't have to do everything on our own.